Exactly one year ago today I was released from the hospital.
During the entire month of June 2011, I was hundreds of miles away from my safe and happy little hometown in a Lakewood, CA hospital bed with a life-changing illness. I’ve debated whether or not to write about this— it’s not because what I have endured is some sort of secret. It certainly isn’t; I’m very forthcoming with my struggle. I think I am apprehensive about writing this down because it makes it feel more real, more permanent— if there was such a thing as more permanent with this.
In June 2011 my journey with infertility came to a fork in the road. My then-husband and I had been trying to conceive for over a year. We had done medicated cycles, tried force ovulating, we had done everything basically. The next step was to undergo an HCG test, a radiological test in which dye is put through a woman’s fallopian tubes in order to determine whether or not they are blocked.
Unfortunately, my fallopian tubes were blocked— the septic fluid inside causing my body to basically shut down and succumb to peritonitis, an awful infection that can cause death. I suffered pneumonia. My body was failing me so badly that something drastic had to be done. Eventually, my fallopian tubes had to be removed.
Without fallopian tubes, I will never be able to conceive children naturally.
This journey has affected my life in so many different ways.
For one, it broke up the marriage I was in. I’m still too raw to write about that part of this whole thing. But, if there is something that I have learned from this is that “God blessed the broken road…”
Secondly, experiencing something as trying as this has really led me to believe that yes, my family really is there for me. I knew it before, deep down. Now, though, my love for them has blossomed into something unexplainable. Throughout everything that I have been through, my entire family has been there for me. My parents sat with me in the hospital for more than six hours each day making sure I was comfortable and not lonely. My grandparents gave me a great place to live. My uncle provided me with more freelance work. My aunt has made sure I’ve had lots of fun and have been emotionally supported. My friends have been there with me through the anger, tears and curses.
I’m certainly not alone in this struggle.
Last Independence Day I joked that I would be so thankful I was free from the hospital while watching the fireworks. This Independence Day my freedom goes so much farther than that—
I’m free in the sense that I have a career now.
I’m free because I have come to terms that my offspring will be acquired in a more non-conventional way.
I’m more than just free— I’m INDEPENDENT!
Happy Independence Day, ya’ll! It’s my favorite day of the year.
PS: To all of our former and current military members. Thank you for your service. You will always have a special place in my heart.